Help
aaargh. Help. I just read the top of my blog - creating more time...I need more time. Oh, I am sooo exhausted. Since my blog name starts with "B" I'm supposed to write something inspiring for others. Friday night I worked until 11:30pm, came home and didn't unwind enough to sleep until 2am. Saturday we used my husbands Xmas gift to us - Body Flying! What a fun fun experience - also physically tiring. We were supposed to get there at 2pm & then fly at 3pm, we got there are 1 minute to 3. This is how my husband who I am temporarily seperated from - does things...me trying to not make him wrong about this. So, we decided to hang around until a 6pm session (we'd driven 2 hours to get there) however, this meant I didn't get to go to my friends for pre-party girlie fun. But I went to the party, just rushed and later than I would've preferred. The party was a White Party - I went as the queen from Narnia - think LOTS of furry stuff. Oh, what a treat to walk into a room filled to the brim with gorgeous party people all dressed in white, white room, white flooring, white draped fabric - such fun! But I didn't get enough sleep that night either....Slept ALLL day Sunday. So, I was being all about me and irresponsible. My kids were away having fun with a friend and her boys for the weekend.
Last week kind of sucked since my littlest boys teacher expressed concern at how he is going at school - I need to find time to read, nurture, play, relax just "BE" with my kids. My day is jammed packed from 6:45 - I wake up to do morning pages & while I do these my baby wants my attention and cuddles - aarrrgh - torn, torn, torn. I feel like I just can't do it all. I'm running our business, which seems to be in chaos at the moment, I've seperated from my husband - best friend & lover - our 12th wedding anniversary is this weekend - as I've said previously I'm doing a Relationship Seminar to work on this area of my life. While doing this I realized that I couldn't give anymore because I wasn't nurturing myself enough - hence joing this group. So, I'm working (in theory) until I pick the kids up from school, then the afternoons are filled with music lessons, swimming, cub scouts, running rushing, jamming kids in & out of the car and reverse parking everywhere! It is frantic - I physically run alot, to not be late. Monday nights I am doing a Sex & Intimacy course (started tonight) - again working on myself/ relationship with Husband. I am trying to be all things to everyone. I didn't have a conscious Artist Date last week. Since I had to work this afternoon instead of going to my big boys swimming lesson I have promised an afternoon of swimming over the weekend. aaargh, I am in overwhelm & I am really tired and its late and I'm all over the place. How can I make this inspiring? - get real.
I want to be great at all things I am committed to (in no particular order): To be an inspiring and great leader at work, to have a successful business and customers coming back for more. To be an energetic and fun, nurturing & present mother. To be a loving, passionate, commited, sexy & irresistable wife. To be a thoughtful and generous friend. To be creative and original, to have time to nurture me. To be great and inspiring for you. To be a fantastic and loving and caring family member. To be a caring and compassionate pet owner. To be healthy and fit. I need more hours in the day!!
What am I pretending? I'm pretending I can do it all and that I'm OK. What thats hiding is that I can't and that I'm not - I'm being inauthentic. Am I trying to prove something? - how great I am? I don't think so, I genuinely want to do alot and have fun doing it - it would seem its just not possible to do it all AND have fun. or could I have fun doing it if I created that? Could I have fun while rushing the kids to school, while dealing with being totally overloaded at work, while wishing I'd had time for the gym? while feeling bad that I didn't do what I said I would, while dealing with my relationship with my husband. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? I really really want to do it allllll. Can't I some how just make it all work? How can I do this? The impact of all this is that I am tired, exhausted, drained & therefore short tempered & not what I actually want to be for myself and others. The impact on others is that I they feel unloved, not cared for, distance, shouted at, wronged. arrgh - how awful! So - what can I create? The possibility of being content, accepting & love. Imagine "being" love! And accepting - others, myself, my life & circumstances. Content & free! aaah - I'm am feeling inspired by this! I am just letting go of all the pressure and angst and tension. I can do this - I am powerful, a creator of my life.
I am committed to being transformed through the artists way, this is just a blip and you can count on me to be more inspiring next time! And to share more and to get more sleep...xx
queen of narnia
Last week kind of sucked since my littlest boys teacher expressed concern at how he is going at school - I need to find time to read, nurture, play, relax just "BE" with my kids. My day is jammed packed from 6:45 - I wake up to do morning pages & while I do these my baby wants my attention and cuddles - aarrrgh - torn, torn, torn. I feel like I just can't do it all. I'm running our business, which seems to be in chaos at the moment, I've seperated from my husband - best friend & lover - our 12th wedding anniversary is this weekend - as I've said previously I'm doing a Relationship Seminar to work on this area of my life. While doing this I realized that I couldn't give anymore because I wasn't nurturing myself enough - hence joing this group. So, I'm working (in theory) until I pick the kids up from school, then the afternoons are filled with music lessons, swimming, cub scouts, running rushing, jamming kids in & out of the car and reverse parking everywhere! It is frantic - I physically run alot, to not be late. Monday nights I am doing a Sex & Intimacy course (started tonight) - again working on myself/ relationship with Husband. I am trying to be all things to everyone. I didn't have a conscious Artist Date last week. Since I had to work this afternoon instead of going to my big boys swimming lesson I have promised an afternoon of swimming over the weekend. aaargh, I am in overwhelm & I am really tired and its late and I'm all over the place. How can I make this inspiring? - get real.
I want to be great at all things I am committed to (in no particular order): To be an inspiring and great leader at work, to have a successful business and customers coming back for more. To be an energetic and fun, nurturing & present mother. To be a loving, passionate, commited, sexy & irresistable wife. To be a thoughtful and generous friend. To be creative and original, to have time to nurture me. To be great and inspiring for you. To be a fantastic and loving and caring family member. To be a caring and compassionate pet owner. To be healthy and fit. I need more hours in the day!!
What am I pretending? I'm pretending I can do it all and that I'm OK. What thats hiding is that I can't and that I'm not - I'm being inauthentic. Am I trying to prove something? - how great I am? I don't think so, I genuinely want to do alot and have fun doing it - it would seem its just not possible to do it all AND have fun. or could I have fun doing it if I created that? Could I have fun while rushing the kids to school, while dealing with being totally overloaded at work, while wishing I'd had time for the gym? while feeling bad that I didn't do what I said I would, while dealing with my relationship with my husband. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? I really really want to do it allllll. Can't I some how just make it all work? How can I do this? The impact of all this is that I am tired, exhausted, drained & therefore short tempered & not what I actually want to be for myself and others. The impact on others is that I they feel unloved, not cared for, distance, shouted at, wronged. arrgh - how awful! So - what can I create? The possibility of being content, accepting & love. Imagine "being" love! And accepting - others, myself, my life & circumstances. Content & free! aaah - I'm am feeling inspired by this! I am just letting go of all the pressure and angst and tension. I can do this - I am powerful, a creator of my life.
I am committed to being transformed through the artists way, this is just a blip and you can count on me to be more inspiring next time! And to share more and to get more sleep...xx
queen of narnia
posted by new rhodes at 11:11 PM
5 Comments:
You know what I find inspiring there? - That you just stay with what's bugging you, let it out, and the next bit, and the next - and there are so many... and you stay with it, until you reach a place of "It's ok for now". I find it inspiring that you are keeping all those plates spinning and wanting to do something for yourself - knowing how important that is. BUT what interests me is that I don't think you were meant to write something inspiring necessarily. You only had to share something that inspires you - a quote, a few lines of a poem, a picture, a link to a website that you find interesting. I don't believe that being in this group is meant to leave anyone feeling pressurised - rather, they should feel supported. I've noticed that whenever someone "confesses" to breaking one of the rules, Kat always says "good for you!" or words to that effect. My perspective? You are handling so much with so much aplomb, at such a difficult time in your life - you deserve to be showered with roses. Well done on it all.
It's not about having it all - at least not all at the same time. Cut down on some of the activities, especially for the kids - they need time to just be kids, too. You're doing too much, really.
I've read through your blog entries and find myself feeling exhausted. LOL okay, not really exhausted myself. But your writing is clear enough that I think I can feel some of the tiredness that you seem to be feeling.
I can remember a time when I scurried and hurried, and stressed over things similar to what you've described here.
And I am so grateful that I'm no longer in that place and time.
I found your writing a piece of inspiration because it reminds me again to simply slow down and enjoy life. As I've gotten older and more comfortable with myself too, I have found it much easier to relax and take life a little easier.
Cheers to you for taking time to write and search for inspiration within yourself.!
I genuinely hope that your AW travels will be pleasurable to you and help you find peace of mind in the world where you live.
phew! you've got a lot going on, woman!! take time to give yourself credit for all you accomplish. sometimes you really can't do it all and do it well, you know? somethings may need to get cut out, trimmed a bit, because in reality, you really do need time and space to heal yourself for noone else but you. you deserve it! (((hugs)))
Hugs, Hugs, and more Hugs. Don't let all this self-improvement drive you over the edge! Take a breath, maybe you can take on one project at a time. Sometimes a simple tub bath can make you a better person.
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